HEAVEN'S IMMIGRATION POLICY
All countries on earth have some type of immigration policy. Each one spells out restrictions or conditions that must be met before entering. Even countries with the least restrictive immigration policies, known as immigration-friendly, have conditions to be met. Like Germany, Russia, and Canada.
Heaven is no different.
Heaven’s immigration policy is interesting. Like earthly nations, it too has conditions that must be met before being allowed entry into its paradise. Some people consider them to be unreasonable, and others consider some to be outrageous. And still others, they seem to be indifferent, paying no mind to them and assuming that Heaven being nice and all will let everyone in anyway (like Germany). It’s these folks who may in the future find themselves with the intemperate crowd – in a place so warm that not even a six-pack of Budweiser could quench their thirst.
Nevertheless, Heaven’s policy is definitely to be reckoned with if you wish one day to immigrate there because according to what we’ve been told, and can read about, Heaven does not allow you to immigrate illegally or without condition. Or, at least that is what’s in the Good Book. In spite of what the Moralistic Therapeutic Deism crowd says, not everyone is getting in.
And of course the conditions must be met. Trying to scale Heaven’s walls without satisfying the conditions is not an option. As far as anyone knows no one has ever been able to scale Heaven’s walls. Walls, you ask? Yes, you can read about them in the Revelation chapter of the Good Book. Chapter 21, verse 12. That is, if you believe what’s in the Good Book.
Contrary to what many may think, “being good” is not a guarantee that one will be allowed to immigrate to Heaven, strange as that may sound. But, coupled with other conditions, it certainly helps. But for one, before entering you must have at some point have been either immersed in a pool or body of water, or have had it poured over your head, while the person doing the dunking or pouring calls upon the names of he who governs Heaven. You will not find this strange requirement in any nation’s immigration policy – not even France.
Another important condition for your immigration journey is that you believe that Heaven’s governor, who happens to be a spirit, actually left Heaven and transformed himself into a Man. You must indeed believe this. Not only must you believe this but you must also believe and do everything this Ruler-made-Man tells you to do in the Book. Doing his will. Which is sort of hard to do in a way because one can’t always be certain when navigating the vicissitudes of life what is his will and what’s not his will. For example, should you become a computer programmer, or spend your life smoking weed.
Probably the most outrageous condition for immigrating to Heaven has to do with eating flesh and drinking blood, which is a blog for another day. The matter is such of disgusting nature that I hesitate to bring it up lest I offend any Millennial, or those railing against toxic masculinity. But suffice it to say that this eating of flesh and such meant enough to Paul, that is, St. Paul, that he told everyone that if you did it wrongly or unworthily that you will somehow pay for it, as in maybe be punished. Paul and others said it’s another way to have life, that is, eternal life, in you so that you might immigrate to Heaven. In no other country will you find such an interesting condition for immigration – especially not France.
Which brings us to the final and fourth immigration requirement, which is to comply with those things laid out in the Good Book. Like helping people in need of shelter, clothing, and food. And many other things. Not being deceptive, not betraying others – things like that. There’s quite a long list. You can read about it in the Book. These may be optional conditions, but if you’re serious about immigrating to Heaven it’s probably best not to take chances. Or wait too long.
One important restriction in Heaven’s immigration policy is that you cannot under any circumstances enter unclean. Most believe this means as in your soul – that is, if you believe in a soul. Nowhere in the Book does it say bodily clean but rather it mentions about being clean spiritually-speaking. If you happen to attempt immigration before your time and you are not as clean as you can be, then you will have to spend some time getting cleaned up before entering Heaven. You will have to be, more or less, purged for some time, kind of like the heat that burns off the impurities in metal. Yes, this is a matter of contention for many but you can read about it in the Book.
So, not to despair lest you think these things are impossible or unreasonable. We can have hope that he who governs Heaven keeps his promises that if these things are done then you will indeed be received by Heaven’s Immigration Department with love. And when you think about it, they do not seem to be that much more difficult than say scaling over or tunneling under a 20-foot wall on the southern border of Texas.
So, get your immigration passport in order because when the Great Shutdown comes you do not want to be left without your passport stamped having met all the conditions.
Meanwhile, while you’re waiting, don’t forget to eat your veggies, fruits, grains, and beans. Leave the meat, the dairy, and oils to the devil. In doing so you won’t be immigrating to Heaven any sooner than you must. Or at least you’ll be going with a good heart.